Thursday, July 22, 2010

Discouraged. But I am back

Hey Everyone,
Wow I haven't been on here since December, that's crazy!
I have tons to talk about, so much great information to share.
As I left off, I made youtube videos for a little, and my last post was about asking your self questions.

I find my self asking my self questions all the time, and most of the time I can never come up with an answer.

When you have an addict or an alcoholic in your family you have to deal with alot. But you have a couple choices you ether can Forgive & Help; Or Leave & Forget.
Which one is right? If you keep forgiving and keep trying to help most likely you will be let down, and your efforts don't matter to the person that you are helping.
But if you leave & forget, are you moving on and bettering yourself? I find my self in a dilemma, I want to help and forgive, but the memories are too powerful and takes over my faith for the person. She is like an addiction, she always knows how to bring me back. If I don't talk to her I am okay, I am free, I am me. But when I talk to her I fall back into her traps, and I start to feel bad for her when I look into her Hazel eyes. But why? She is the one who did it to her self and didn't care for her children like any mother should.

Have you ever been in this situation?

Ha if you haven't, You lucky cause it sucks.

I keep telling my self to keep going with my life, and move on. But Its kind hard when you are fighting yourself, to love your mom or just to let go.


  1. My mom and dad are not alcoholics, but my maternal grandmother grew up in a household where her father (or my great-grandfather) was very abusive because of his drinking habits. Even at 85 years old she still carries it on with her, bringing a negative attitude. In addition, all of her siblings have done a lot of things they regret and it pretty much brought her side of the family down. Even though this was several generations/decades ago, I know it could leave a permanent mark on things. My mom doesn't have much self-confidence and I think it has a lot to do with how she was brought up. The point is I can relate to what its like if you have a close person in your family who is hard to get through to. I do consider myself lucky that I was raised moderately, and no one in my household was an alcoholic.

    I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, and I do hope you continue to hold your head up high and seek the right help with close people who are willing to guide you in a positive way. Hope to read more from you soon!

  2. Hey Stephanie,

    Here's to hoping you get your comments to your mail. You haven't posted in a while, I hope that's a good thing, because if you're not posting about sad things you may actually be having happier times.

    Was a strange tangent of occurances that brought me to your blog, funny how the net can be hey?

    I'm not going to say things like, "Sorry about your mom", or "lets share stories" or anything like that, instead I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you. I'm proud because there's someone out there, growing up in tough times and against all odds, mentally chose to stand strong.

    I'll leave you with a story of twin brothers who's mom passed away while they were still young. Their father became an alcoholic overnight and for years they had to suffer. The day they both graduated they both left home and never a word was spoken between either of the three till the day their father passed away many years later.

    After the funeral they decided to go to a resturant and talk, while sitting there the one brother watched as drink after drink his twin brother became more and more intoxicated and finally he asked him, "why are you like this? Why are you an acoholic", to which his brother responded, "because our father was the way he was, I am the way I am. But while we're on the topic, how come you aren't an alcoholic?"

    His brother sat there for a moment and resonded, "because our father was the way he was, I am the way I am."

    This story speaks so much about the choices we each decide and what part of our upbringing and parents we decide to take with us.

    All the best,

  3. you KNOW it never changes. alcoholic parents are inconsistent, they're compulsive, they're going to let you down. but you have to find a pattern in the chaos and learn to ride the storm. there aren't ever any answers, its like running around a maze. the only path you can control is your own. yes there is guilt and yes its horrible but if you want something for yourself go and get it. because when a child throws their toys out the pram you don't give them back. and i'm sure she needs you more than she'd care to admit.