Monday, November 30, 2009


Today, I had one of those days were it went so slow all I wanted to do is curl up in bed. But one thing that kept coming into my head was my mom. She is the alcoholic in my family. I just kept thinking about the past, it was on repeat. I sat there thinking about her, and what she did during my child hood. I felt this wave of emotion hit me, I am still torn from what she has done; I am still hurting. I am under so much stress just from her, it is emotional draining. I worry, and think about her almost everyday, and there are days I don't think about her at all. I just don't understand how a mother can abandon her kids, for a bottle of vodka, how I pour my heart & tears to her, and she looks at me with a blank stare like she doesn't know what I am talking about. Like I am the crazy one who is loosing my mind. Alcoholics will lie to you, and They lie to them self. They think they are just hurting themselves when in reality they are hurting everyone around them. Don't let them ruin your life, I mean I am doing the best I ever have, but everyday it still bothers me and eats me inside. I don't want you to go through the pain I go through, I have a wonderful boyfriend who takes that horrible pain away and makes me feel wanted for once. But still, when my mind starts going it doesn't stop.